When I heard this uttered it stuck to me like glue.
Embarassingly enough I heard it when I was watching a strangely compelling Bravo TV series called Millionaire Matchmaker which is all about one lady, Patti Stanger's mission to matchmake wealthy men and women with life partners. One of the millionaires who had sought her services, Brandon, said it while she was interviewing him in his quest for love.
I guess we're all guilty at one point for wishing it. When we're feeling lonely, or pitying our 'poor luck' or lack of success in love we think to ourselves, 'When am I going to find someone who I can be with?'
I'm not referring to the person that you simply click with. I'm also not referring to that person you share that supposedly profound connection. Because those things, you can share and come across with a handful of people throughout your life. What I'm talking to is that person you share those things but also understands the logic because how irrationally or rationally you live your life and treats you with the dignity and respect all of us deserve.
Now that last thing is something that's really hard to find. For me personally I find that it's not particularly difficult to find connections with people and discover a common ground that you can base a friendship on. Conversations can flow great and you can so easily think, 'Wow, this person and I have a connection.' But connections are only one facet of something far more complicated. Connections wear thin and after a while you're kind of like, 'Why am I underwhelmed?'
For instance think of the concept of friends with benefits. For me, to put it bluntly, I think it's farcical. Call me old school, call me conservative and very close minded but I'm not entirely convinced by the concept. According to psychological studies quoted in Psychology Today, over 50 percent of young people in their 20s are engaging in these arrangements but I'm still under the impression that it's just a half-arsed version of a relationship that's not really a relationship.
Everyone wants to be wanted, everyone wants to be desired and liked. Human nature also makes us yearn for things like security and loyalty and this comes in many forms through affection expressed both verbally and physically. Now when someone propses the concept of friends with benefits that makes me think of two things: Call me overly serious and perhaps requiring 'a life' but is not the fact that you are asking me to enjoy no strings attached physical activity with you pretty much offering me a half arsed relationship. It's like offering on a platter all the perks of satisfying your sexual desires until you come across the person you want to be with without the requirement for you to commit, be loyal or partake in anything that builds meaning. All the things I mentioned above that we naturally yearn for a totally undersatisfied.
For me, I can't fathom anything worse than that. To me I think it's one person coming out on top and there's always someone who loses out. Either way, I gotta admit that it would take two very strong people who can easily divide their emotions and the physical who could maintain such a relationship without emerging hurt. Kudos to that.
All I can say is it's best to simply avoid those arrangements. Power on, even if you give in momentarily give yourself a break and realise your human. Don't let people make you feel bad for having your own way of thinking and saying you are taking life too seriously. You let them live their life so they should let you live yours.
Wait as you've been waiting this entire time and let the kid in you hope :)
